What never will be

[1stmacleod]

Staying just off the Nexus makes it easier to visit, and Connor is tentatively getting familiar with the place. He's been told by a couple of people that he needs to get a PINpoint, and he's learned to reliably find the free bar. He's met a girl who wants to get some sword training from him, which is something to do, and he hasn't felt the buzz of another immortal since his first time here, and that was Ramirez.

He is almost, just barely, settling in.

Then he answers a casual question, and the woman who asked it starts to tell him about the other Connor MacLeod. The one who still has a good friend and true brother in Duncan. The one who still has Alex. And John. And Rachel. An ageless, immortal Rachel.

Connor staggers back to Kairos' house, with a box of chocolates he's supposed to give to his own Duncan along with the apology he's dreading to make. Over the past five years he's mostly pulled his mind back together. He no longer hallucinates, he has enough presence of mind to walk around in public without attracting stares. He remembers to shave at least every couple of days and shower whenever he gets a chance, and he can carry on normal conversations. He's walking a fragile edge, though.
Now his mind is swirling with the stories he's been told of a big happy family with another Connor MacLeod at the boisterous center of it all, somewhere out there not so far away. It's the most wonderful thing he could possibly dream of to know his family is happy and healthy somewhere, and the most agonizingly painful thing ever to know that it's not his family, and it never will be.
He comes into the house and pets the dogs, and puts the box of chocolates on the dresser in the guest room, and sits on the floor beside the bed with his head in his hands and shakes all over for the next few hours.

Comments

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Mmhm. I don't blame you. But we're high enough up you can see them when they fly by." She smiles. "The babies are adorable, and the colors are just. amazing. I'm working on making a deal to get some shed scales." Pause. The smile widens. "And yes, they asked if I was a virgin."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

Connor gives a quiet rasp of a chuckle, but he's not going to ask what the answer was. "I'm not sure I want to see them unless it's from a safe distance, but the scales... sound interesting. Are they fireproof?"

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

Good, because Kairos wouldn't have told him. She'd probably have blushed her way into another subject. "They are. And very tough, obviously, but really thin. You can stack them to make almost an opal look, depending on how you carve them."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

He might wonder, but he knows better than to ask that of anybody.
"They can be carved? Does it take special tools?" He's interested, as a craftsman himself, or a former one at least.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Mmhm. Dragon-hunting is legalized in some countries during certain times of the year - and not the dragons that fly over around Sanctuary. Different breed. Much smaller. So you take the tools used to hunt them, and you make them smaller. They use substances harder than diamonds."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"What's harder than diamond?" He rests his chin in his hand, watching her and thinking, and completely forgetting to eat in the process. He's distracted right now, though, rather than depressed and brooding.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

She points to the fork. "Eat. I'll tell you." She looks at him expectantly.

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"...What? Oh..." He looks confused for a fraction of a second, then sighs. "Sorry..." He's not actually quite sure why he's apologizing, but he does take a bite, reminding himself to eat again.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"No problem! I know how curious it can be to live here. Scientists found carbon crystals in meteorites that we use. You can actually use the scales to cut other scales, but that's just not as clean a cut."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"So almost another kind of diamond... I assumed you can use them to cut themselves. That works for most things." He's not eating with enthusiasm, but he is eating, and being interested in things is probably good.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, something like that. I can show you sometime."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"I'd... like that. I miss doing things with my hands, I guess." He prods at his food, and has to make himself keep eating.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Mm. Just let me know. Provided I can get my hands on some more of the scales." She watches him for a minute, chewing the inside of her lip. "Okay, Connor. How 'bout we open that scotch now?"

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"I'm not sure I'd know what to do with them, but..." He shrugs. Antique dealing didn't really provide any creative outlet, but it's been long decades since he made anything.
"...Okay. You done?" He pushes back his plate a little, only half empty. He did try, really.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"I can always grab more if I'm hungry later. Maybe I can drink more if there's something to soak it up."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

Connor nods. "It helps. Drinking on an empty stomach'll just make you sick." This is the voice of experience, sadly. He leaves his plate and fetches the bottle, holding it thoughtfully a moment, almost reverently, before he opens it.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"That's what I've heard, anyway." She'll just watch him with a half-smile.

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"Better to hear it than to live it, trust me." Connor gives her a weak smile, and pours a measure of scotch into both glasses, leaning over to hand her one.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

Kairos has had hypervodka, and wine, but she hasn't ever had this before. She takes it from him, looks it over. "Thanks." It's a beautiful color, and it almost makes her want to go paint it instead of drink it. Almost. She's been told you don't sip at these things - thanks, John - so she goes ahead and takes a healthy swallow.

It's tasty, and smooth as it goes down with an almost pleasant burn.

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

Scotch probably falls somewhere in between in alcohol content, and maybe closer to the wine end, depending how powerful hypervodka is. Connor holds his glass up to the light and considers it for a moment, too, but he's not thinking about painting with it. The color is a rich amber, and he gives a silent salute before also taking a gulp. His eyes close as he savors the liquid fire down his throat.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Worth it?" she asks before taking another gulp of her own.

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"Worth what, exactly? But it's... wonderful, thank you." He sinks back down into his chair, setting the bottle on the table between them.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Opening it, and drinking with me."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

I owe you, a lot, for letting me stay here. I'm honored to share a drink with you." He smiles, not much, but very gratefully and heartfelt. She's saluted with the glass before he takes another gulp, that leaves it half empty.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

Kairos preens a little - not much, but it's there. "It's nice to have someone in the house. So thank you." She's going slower, but she mimics his salute and takes another gulp of her own.