What never will be

[1stmacleod]

Staying just off the Nexus makes it easier to visit, and Connor is tentatively getting familiar with the place. He's been told by a couple of people that he needs to get a PINpoint, and he's learned to reliably find the free bar. He's met a girl who wants to get some sword training from him, which is something to do, and he hasn't felt the buzz of another immortal since his first time here, and that was Ramirez.

He is almost, just barely, settling in.

Then he answers a casual question, and the woman who asked it starts to tell him about the other Connor MacLeod. The one who still has a good friend and true brother in Duncan. The one who still has Alex. And John. And Rachel. An ageless, immortal Rachel.

Connor staggers back to Kairos' house, with a box of chocolates he's supposed to give to his own Duncan along with the apology he's dreading to make. Over the past five years he's mostly pulled his mind back together. He no longer hallucinates, he has enough presence of mind to walk around in public without attracting stares. He remembers to shave at least every couple of days and shower whenever he gets a chance, and he can carry on normal conversations. He's walking a fragile edge, though.
Now his mind is swirling with the stories he's been told of a big happy family with another Connor MacLeod at the boisterous center of it all, somewhere out there not so far away. It's the most wonderful thing he could possibly dream of to know his family is happy and healthy somewhere, and the most agonizingly painful thing ever to know that it's not his family, and it never will be.
He comes into the house and pets the dogs, and puts the box of chocolates on the dresser in the guest room, and sits on the floor beside the bed with his head in his hands and shakes all over for the next few hours.

Comments

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

Kairos takes a sip of water before nodding. "Yes sir. They like to shower Casciel with jewels - there's a guy in town that makes her dresses studded in chain mail and cut stones - but I also do yearly portraits of their children." Kairos would be happy to show him around sometime, provided she realizes she won't bore him to tears.

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"You know, even when I was rich, I didn't understand the rich." He looks a little amused, but his gaze drops back to his plate and he pushes food around again. "But portraits of the kids... that's good..." Connor can relate to that part, at least.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Kage's a fire elemental, so when things get.. explosive over there, it's nice to have clothes made out of fire-proof materials." She shrugs. "But they tend to be a little ridiculous in their tastes in general. You should see their house."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

The forkful he was lifting gets put down again carefully, while he gives her a long look. "You mean he's... made of fire? That sounds..." He blinks, and takes a moment to readjust his mind yet again to the weirdness of the Nexus.
"I hope, for the sake of the kids, their house isn't lined in asbestos?"
The expression is flat, but he's just being a wise-ass now.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

She nods. "Half elemental, half dark elf. He doesn't always go up in flames, unless he's emotional about something. His girls are firebugs, too." And then she just smiles merrily at him. "The house, Irie Nithanquiat, the one here in Sanctuary, is actually living. It doesn't need asbestos. The plants, on the other hand, tend to live in mortal fear."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

Connor shakes his head a little. "It feels like when Ramirez first tried explaining immortality, all over again. It's too much to believe, even though I know it's all true..."

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"We're an interesting bunch. Just wait till you see the dragons flying overhead."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"...Doesn't that mean it's time to duck and run?" He asks this cautiously, because he's perfectly serious this time.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Depends if they're hungry or not." No, really. "If they're starving, they tend to not care what they eat. But most tend to stick to animals or if they're craving something more 'human'" she uses quotation mark fingers here "they try to go for people who aren't on the up and up. They can read auras."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"I think... I'll duck and run just in case. There are some things I can't come back from, you know." Beheading isn't technically the only way his kind can die, it's just that being obliterated or digested is less common.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Mmhm. I don't blame you. But we're high enough up you can see them when they fly by." She smiles. "The babies are adorable, and the colors are just. amazing. I'm working on making a deal to get some shed scales." Pause. The smile widens. "And yes, they asked if I was a virgin."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

Connor gives a quiet rasp of a chuckle, but he's not going to ask what the answer was. "I'm not sure I want to see them unless it's from a safe distance, but the scales... sound interesting. Are they fireproof?"

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

Good, because Kairos wouldn't have told him. She'd probably have blushed her way into another subject. "They are. And very tough, obviously, but really thin. You can stack them to make almost an opal look, depending on how you carve them."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

He might wonder, but he knows better than to ask that of anybody.
"They can be carved? Does it take special tools?" He's interested, as a craftsman himself, or a former one at least.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Mmhm. Dragon-hunting is legalized in some countries during certain times of the year - and not the dragons that fly over around Sanctuary. Different breed. Much smaller. So you take the tools used to hunt them, and you make them smaller. They use substances harder than diamonds."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"What's harder than diamond?" He rests his chin in his hand, watching her and thinking, and completely forgetting to eat in the process. He's distracted right now, though, rather than depressed and brooding.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

She points to the fork. "Eat. I'll tell you." She looks at him expectantly.

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"...What? Oh..." He looks confused for a fraction of a second, then sighs. "Sorry..." He's not actually quite sure why he's apologizing, but he does take a bite, reminding himself to eat again.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"No problem! I know how curious it can be to live here. Scientists found carbon crystals in meteorites that we use. You can actually use the scales to cut other scales, but that's just not as clean a cut."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"So almost another kind of diamond... I assumed you can use them to cut themselves. That works for most things." He's not eating with enthusiasm, but he is eating, and being interested in things is probably good.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, something like that. I can show you sometime."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"I'd... like that. I miss doing things with my hands, I guess." He prods at his food, and has to make himself keep eating.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Mm. Just let me know. Provided I can get my hands on some more of the scales." She watches him for a minute, chewing the inside of her lip. "Okay, Connor. How 'bout we open that scotch now?"

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"I'm not sure I'd know what to do with them, but..." He shrugs. Antique dealing didn't really provide any creative outlet, but it's been long decades since he made anything.
"...Okay. You done?" He pushes back his plate a little, only half empty. He did try, really.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"I can always grab more if I'm hungry later. Maybe I can drink more if there's something to soak it up."