What never will be

[1stmacleod]

Staying just off the Nexus makes it easier to visit, and Connor is tentatively getting familiar with the place. He's been told by a couple of people that he needs to get a PINpoint, and he's learned to reliably find the free bar. He's met a girl who wants to get some sword training from him, which is something to do, and he hasn't felt the buzz of another immortal since his first time here, and that was Ramirez.

He is almost, just barely, settling in.

Then he answers a casual question, and the woman who asked it starts to tell him about the other Connor MacLeod. The one who still has a good friend and true brother in Duncan. The one who still has Alex. And John. And Rachel. An ageless, immortal Rachel.

Connor staggers back to Kairos' house, with a box of chocolates he's supposed to give to his own Duncan along with the apology he's dreading to make. Over the past five years he's mostly pulled his mind back together. He no longer hallucinates, he has enough presence of mind to walk around in public without attracting stares. He remembers to shave at least every couple of days and shower whenever he gets a chance, and he can carry on normal conversations. He's walking a fragile edge, though.
Now his mind is swirling with the stories he's been told of a big happy family with another Connor MacLeod at the boisterous center of it all, somewhere out there not so far away. It's the most wonderful thing he could possibly dream of to know his family is happy and healthy somewhere, and the most agonizingly painful thing ever to know that it's not his family, and it never will be.
He comes into the house and pets the dogs, and puts the box of chocolates on the dresser in the guest room, and sits on the floor beside the bed with his head in his hands and shakes all over for the next few hours.

Comments

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

He glances down at her, and chuckles very weakly. "I'll keep that in mind." He sniffs. "I'm okay..." Not really, but he's been worse.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"I'd hug you, but I wouldn't want you to think I'm attempting to take advantage of you when you're not your best."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"Hugs... are okay..." He smiles weakly, and takes a deep, shaky sigh. He's in a better mental state than he was when she came home, but it's going to be a long evening.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

The words aren't even completely out of his mouth before she's got her arms wrapped around Connor's neck, pressing herself tightly against him.

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

Well that's a little more enthusiastic than he was expecting, and it takes him slightly by surprise, but after a moment of mild awkwardness he gently pats her back.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

Just slightly more enthusiastic than what she usually makes him suffer through. When she realizes that she's being improper, she immediately puts some space between them. "Sorry," she says. "..Guess we should finish dinner, huh."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

Connor's not complaining. He likes hugs, and he's been alone too long.
"Yeah... don't want it to get cold. Thanks..."

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

She smiles a little. "okay. I expect you'd like the scotch to go with dinner?" She'll go ahead and set the table. There's ice water as well as two lovely tumblers for the scotch.

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"After. That's dessert." He manages a small smile. It's too good a drink not to be savored and appreciated all on its own. "Are you drinking with me?" Because that really meant something, in his time.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

She nods. "Sure. You might end up drinking longer than me, but I'd be honored to."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"That's fine, but... you should at least taste it." There's chicken, and rice with vegetables, and he'd be hard pressed to know what to call the meal, but it'll be good.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Oh, I will! I'm a little excited to try it." Connor's enthusiasm for it seems to have rubbed off on her.

"It smells so good."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"...It's... expensive stuff." He sits when everything's on the table, but waits for her to serve herself. He's feeling a little better, but this is likely to be one of the nights he doesn't eat much.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"That doesn't surprise me. My friend and their family is..somewhat ridiculous in their appetites." Kairos takes healthy portions of everything, including the chicken.

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"People like that used to be good business." He shrugs, and takes a reasonable amount of food onto his plate, but picks at it a little.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

There's a big grin. "Yeah. They are. Even with the discounts I give them, I could probably retire on Christmas alone for Casciel's presents."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"You... make them jewelry?" He's interested in metalworking and crafts in general. She should show him around the studio sometime, just to distract him. Connor prods his food around, and takes a bite.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

Kairos takes a sip of water before nodding. "Yes sir. They like to shower Casciel with jewels - there's a guy in town that makes her dresses studded in chain mail and cut stones - but I also do yearly portraits of their children." Kairos would be happy to show him around sometime, provided she realizes she won't bore him to tears.

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"You know, even when I was rich, I didn't understand the rich." He looks a little amused, but his gaze drops back to his plate and he pushes food around again. "But portraits of the kids... that's good..." Connor can relate to that part, at least.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"Kage's a fire elemental, so when things get.. explosive over there, it's nice to have clothes made out of fire-proof materials." She shrugs. "But they tend to be a little ridiculous in their tastes in general. You should see their house."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

The forkful he was lifting gets put down again carefully, while he gives her a long look. "You mean he's... made of fire? That sounds..." He blinks, and takes a moment to readjust his mind yet again to the weirdness of the Nexus.
"I hope, for the sake of the kids, their house isn't lined in asbestos?"
The expression is flat, but he's just being a wise-ass now.

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

She nods. "Half elemental, half dark elf. He doesn't always go up in flames, unless he's emotional about something. His girls are firebugs, too." And then she just smiles merrily at him. "The house, Irie Nithanquiat, the one here in Sanctuary, is actually living. It doesn't need asbestos. The plants, on the other hand, tend to live in mortal fear."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

Connor shakes his head a little. "It feels like when Ramirez first tried explaining immortality, all over again. It's too much to believe, even though I know it's all true..."

[kairos-aether.livejournal.com]

"We're an interesting bunch. Just wait till you see the dragons flying overhead."

[1stmacleod.livejournal.com]

"...Doesn't that mean it's time to duck and run?" He asks this cautiously, because he's perfectly serious this time.